No Rest in Fantasy Baseball: Cash for Clunkers, Fines for Plunkers, and Punk’d Moves

Shortly after my last post, Kevin Youkilis decided that a bean ball war needed his escalation. I can understand the need to flex one’s muscles and show that you not gonna be anyone’s Pedro Martinez’s “punk bitch,” but Youk got five games as a pine warmer. (1/10 of Manny “not 100%Manny” Ramirez’s suspension for the worst offense we currently rail against…steroids.)

The opposing pitcher Rick Porcello got 5 games, one start out of the rotation. So the punk is on Youk. (bottom of the picture.)

Recently, the cash for clunkers program has taken off. The idea of giving an incentive/rebate to get a hunk of junk and gas-addicted vehicle off the bridge to nowhere has boded well. Baseball teams often take a scrap heap worthy player and rebuild him to his old, not-so- clunkerish form. At least in theory.

And so, the Phillies recently gave cash to a clunker pitcher in Pedro “Punk” Martinez. (I call him one because he threw down a septuagenarian…ex-Bo Sox manager, Don Zimmer.)

But Pedro had a better day than Notre Dame WR/wannabe starter Jeff Samardzija who, along with Sean Marshall, got punked out of the ballpark by the Phillies power quartet: Howard, Utley, Rollins and Ibanez. And another punk in the stands let The Flying Hawaiian, Shane Victorino, have some alcoholic fruit punch to go along with his uniform without a Wailuku Lei.

No Luaus for Mr. Victorino are planned in Chicago. He’ll be happy to sue that bleacher dude, without the surfboard, and whomever feels spry enough to take over ownership of the Cubs this season. Bummer.

Meanwhile, Rich Harden gets cheated by the rain Gods (not in Hawaii) on Sunday, God’s day of rest. My pitching seems more contented to rest – no wins, dead last and a growing gap – than to pitch to victory.

God created the world in six days…then he rested because it was good. Well, in my case, there is no rest for the wicked, wacky, and winless warriors on my punk’d pitching staff. (Aside from Roy Halladay… he got royally punked over.)

All in a day’s work – this punk is over.

(JP currently is running first! in a Yahoo! fantasy baseball league. Just took over that spot today.)

New: Appropo Song by Cage The Elephant: Ain’t No Rest For the Wicked

Classic Live Version: Tracy Chapman, Fast Car

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